I can't say I’ve always been close to my family. On the contrary, there came a point in time when I cut off all communication with my family for a number of years. I know some in my family think I did it for selfish reasons, but the truth is, I did it out of a sense of self-preservation. And yes, to some degree, Self-preservation by its very nature is selfish. But it wasn’t done maliciously.
Eventually, communication was restored. Since then I’ve maintained a guarded relationship with my siblings and a closer, healthier relationship with my parents - especially with my mother. Two weeks ago, I called my mother to get ideas for gifts for them for Christmas. It’s become a ritual that we do every year – not that I usually get any ideas, but this time my mom gave me something solid. I told here where she could find what she was looking for. This year she talked about wanting a sewing machine. I told her about some that were on sale and told her to check them out and when she found what she wanted, to let me know and I would send her the money. That’s exactly what happened. She found what she wanted and sent her the money to cover it.
I called my mom this past Tuesday to let her know the Cell phones I had ordered for us had come and to ask if she wanted me to set them up. She gave me all the numbers she had for my siblings – home phone numbers and cell numbers. We talked for an hour and when we said goodbye, I called my sister in Michigan. I hadn’t talked to her other than through E-mail in months. After talking to her for a while, I now remembered why. She has this laugh – it is so fake, not the least bit humorous and she laughs after everything she says. NOTHING she says is THAT funny, so her affectation is a severe irritant and very grating on the ears and nerves.
But, above and beyond her laugh, it was her attitude and things she said regarding our mother that disturbed me. She mentioned how Mom had sent my sister’s daughter and granddaughter some things – clothes and money. Well, it turns out my niece never acknowledged the gifts. To my mother, that is the height of rudeness. She sent another letter to my niece stating that if she didn’t have the common courtesy to acknowledge a gift, then she would not send anything else. Well, my sister thought that was just too much, as did my niece. The vitriol that came out of her mouth was unbelievable to me. I found it absolutely amazing that they both looked at it in terms of the “inconvenience” that taking the time to acknowledge the gift would cause them. I agree with my Mother. If someone sends you a gift, then you should acknowledge not only receipt of the gift, but also say “thank you.” Both my sister and my niece were not happy that Mother was unwilling to continue sending gifts when she wasn’t even getting common courtesy in return.
I talked to my mother this past Saturday to make sure she had received the money I sent to cover the cost of the things she picked out for Christmas. She mentioned the situation with my niece. I had to bite my tongue not to keep from saying anything to Mom about what my sister said. The selfishness and uncaring attitude expressed by my sister disturb me greatly. How could a person who, when we were growing up, was treated as if she could do no wrong turn into such a cold-hearted bitch?
It has become apparent to me that my parents did her no favors, although at the time she was treated as the favorite daughter. Unfortunately the result is a person who is selfish and cold, seeing things only in terms of “I” and a person who has not matured. And the really sad thing? She has raised her daughter to be the same way.
